Have been busy manipulated to play roles in disparaging videos, with partners.
Good men have fought and died for honor and country throughout history, from Roman soldiers to Nazi supermen. None were armed with a rebellion of individual rights granted by God and not government, of fair representation making the vote of the richest equal to the poorest, or by the lawful consensus by the governed so that a nation fought not as a government but as a people.
18 soldiers a day are committing suicide. Were they defenseless? The military oath for officers and enlistees mention neither honor or country, as important as they are to us all.
I'm only a pud altered with something that doesn't let me sleep more than 3-6 hours and, also, makes you ejaculate within a few minutes of sex (maybe a norepinephrine agonist) living on video within a controlled environment, wherever I go.
I am not complaining. I have grown used to life's challenges and am trying like anyone else to make the most of it. But I suppose I do have rights.
None of the colonies would consider ratifying the US Constitution unless it contained a Bill of Rights, to become The Bill of Rights... that possibly provides more than protection or even rights.
The unassailable weapon. Moral force. Fairness and sacrifice. And stripping good and innocent people their dignity leaves derision a poor substitute. It doesn't much matter to me, the view from inside is clear and strong, and my case is insignificant.
But that weapon may matter much more to men braver and stronger than I.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
1-9-08 Sleep total
2330 - 1130 11 hrs Current sleep debt estimate: 15 hrs
Water from public sources off normal driving patterns; now much more aware of tactile transmission via any external surface routinely handled (keyboard, mouse, gearshift, steering wheel, external surface of food when bagged, home etc) - hopefully I got the joke about the soda, other than that it's on me.
Added disposable washcloths to food & water never left out of sight in order to wipe gloves and surfaces, and also carry a travel toothbrush. Time will tell.
Water from public sources off normal driving patterns; now much more aware of tactile transmission via any external surface routinely handled (keyboard, mouse, gearshift, steering wheel, external surface of food when bagged, home etc) - hopefully I got the joke about the soda, other than that it's on me.
Added disposable washcloths to food & water never left out of sight in order to wipe gloves and surfaces, and also carry a travel toothbrush. Time will tell.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
0400 Food from Ralphs 20 mi away
Ralphs Sepulveda / Imperial Hwy by LAX:
Their commitment is admirable. I have nothing but respect for their tenacity and I thoroughly appreciate the unique non-verbal symbolism even if it is meant to intimidate. It is intelligent and effective. That being said they will probably napalm my village.
Being sold a jar of "Spaghetti sauce" after being reassured that it was ok when in fact it was filled with hot chile's and tomatoes...I suppose I deserved that. However, gotta keep trying.
Very bad night tonight. Full twitching and muscle spasms. One of my fingers shakes like it wants to leave its socket. Not painful but you can't sleep if your muscles twitch like someone is sneaking up to grab and scare you ;) every couple of seconds.
At 3 am at a faraway Ralphs all the water was off the shelves, except presumably what was spiked. On that same shelf were two large can soda packs of the exact same brand that kept me awake all night last Fri except they were diet - no sugar, get it? on the water shelf as a warning. Probably the sodas were all ok. I got one of the possibly spiked waters that I realized I better throw out.
Kinda like the 25 cent water dispenser outside. If it is bad there is nobody in sight to spook you, but I drove a few blocks away taking an unexpected turn and in front of another Ralphs I found a dispenser but this one with a person standing in front to intimidate. Why? because it was probably ok...anyway I got radiator water from a gas station (that's not a typo) and not from a gas station by the first grocery store. I did this the other night so if there is a way to cover it it will be covered. I had to drive to a gas station they weren't expecting me to find.
Incidentally the uc guy offered the Ralphs checker two COKE bottles as I was picking up my bags of food and the worker burst out laughing. Had I said, "Isn't this entrapment, officer?" the humor would backfire. Like me saying I 've been clean for 10 years or that I haven't had a beer since 2002 due entirely to Karina. Those are facts that make things worse, not better... I do have to live with them, tho. Every day.
I have learned to accept all of life: the doob, the dah, and the dabba.
Their commitment is admirable. I have nothing but respect for their tenacity and I thoroughly appreciate the unique non-verbal symbolism even if it is meant to intimidate. It is intelligent and effective. That being said they will probably napalm my village.
Being sold a jar of "Spaghetti sauce" after being reassured that it was ok when in fact it was filled with hot chile's and tomatoes...I suppose I deserved that. However, gotta keep trying.
Very bad night tonight. Full twitching and muscle spasms. One of my fingers shakes like it wants to leave its socket. Not painful but you can't sleep if your muscles twitch like someone is sneaking up to grab and scare you ;) every couple of seconds.
At 3 am at a faraway Ralphs all the water was off the shelves, except presumably what was spiked. On that same shelf were two large can soda packs of the exact same brand that kept me awake all night last Fri except they were diet - no sugar, get it? on the water shelf as a warning. Probably the sodas were all ok. I got one of the possibly spiked waters that I realized I better throw out.
Kinda like the 25 cent water dispenser outside. If it is bad there is nobody in sight to spook you, but I drove a few blocks away taking an unexpected turn and in front of another Ralphs I found a dispenser but this one with a person standing in front to intimidate. Why? because it was probably ok...anyway I got radiator water from a gas station (that's not a typo) and not from a gas station by the first grocery store. I did this the other night so if there is a way to cover it it will be covered. I had to drive to a gas station they weren't expecting me to find.
Incidentally the uc guy offered the Ralphs checker two COKE bottles as I was picking up my bags of food and the worker burst out laughing. Had I said, "Isn't this entrapment, officer?" the humor would backfire. Like me saying I 've been clean for 10 years or that I haven't had a beer since 2002 due entirely to Karina. Those are facts that make things worse, not better... I do have to live with them, tho. Every day.
I have learned to accept all of life: the doob, the dah, and the dabba.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Booster Shot applied 2000
Pavilions Montana Ave
frequented local market: no
+Safeway Select Roast Garlic Spag Sauce
2250: muscles twitching, heart racing, small noises amplified
Social psych note: Male female couple, patagonia types keeping distance parked in aisle while others "push" by invading space other side. Picked the cheapest, store brand and got burned. Product equidistant from both groups people.
BTW Followed like a drug dealer while getting 1 gallon water from mall bathroom. One copper in stall comes out while I am filling water. Nearly always get spaghetti with a gallon of water & haven't had it in a while. Hard to imagine I had spent 2 hrs doing all this in order to avoid drugs.
Another long night ahead & may have to call in sick to work. You can sit for hours just feeling your muscles bubbling but instead will try to run out the anxiety, then yoga and if no sleep will work till dawn.
frequented local market: no
+Safeway Select Roast Garlic Spag Sauce
2250: muscles twitching, heart racing, small noises amplified
Social psych note: Male female couple, patagonia types keeping distance parked in aisle while others "push" by invading space other side. Picked the cheapest, store brand and got burned. Product equidistant from both groups people.
BTW Followed like a drug dealer while getting 1 gallon water from mall bathroom. One copper in stall comes out while I am filling water. Nearly always get spaghetti with a gallon of water & haven't had it in a while. Hard to imagine I had spent 2 hrs doing all this in order to avoid drugs.
Another long night ahead & may have to call in sick to work. You can sit for hours just feeling your muscles bubbling but instead will try to run out the anxiety, then yoga and if no sleep will work till dawn.
Tactile application (smear tactics)
Buy hood for cold weather, when I park in structure it is always to go to this store - long walk taken before entering store. No hoods fit my wetsuit, save one. Further, most cannot be opened except this one and one other. Size extra small, extra snug, help requested says you do not want loose fit so go ahead and try it on. This young man must think I be nuts. Thanks anyway.
Have gone out of my way tonight with food bought from store I do not frequent. Water taken from public outlets.
I am trying. A small duck once said, "Da da da de DOH?" Sure hope he had his facts straight. I am betting he was right.
Have gone out of my way tonight with food bought from store I do not frequent. Water taken from public outlets.
I am trying. A small duck once said, "Da da da de DOH?" Sure hope he had his facts straight. I am betting he was right.
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